The Seven: Dumb Ways to Die (For Neaveria)

From all the seven demigods in the room, Leo Valdez could count one cast, a pair of crutches, an ice pack, three bandages, and ten smiley face Band-Aids. Unfortunately, a troop of storm spirits decided it was a good idea to attack the ship when Leo was working on designs to improve the Argo II. Leo shuddered at the thought on how close they came to dying a few hours ago.

The boy on fire laughed, “Well, at least we didn’t die, right?” Hurrdurr. It took everything in everyone’s powers to drive the storm spirits away. Everyone groaned. “Sheesh, let’s brighten up some spirits, shall we?”  He picked up a ukulele and started strumming the strings experimentally, creating a fine, calm, and soothing tune. That was, until he started singing,

“Set fire to your hair,
Poke a stick at a grizzly bear.
Eat am-bro-sia that’s out of date,
Use your private parts as hellhound bait!”

Everyone groaned louder, which was almost like saying ‘Seriously, Leo? That song came from the pits of Tartarus itself!’ Although, they had to agree upon it, that song wasn’t so bad. It was quite catchy, really. And it had a good message. To everyone’s surprise, as Leo started to sing the chorus of the song, the famed son of Poseidon caught on and sang it too.

“Dumb ways to die,
So many dumb ways to die,
Dumb ways to di-i-i-ie,
So many dumb ways to die!”

Leo nudged the daughter of Aphrodite sitting next to him, forgetting for a moment that her arm was in a cast. Piper winced, but she smiled in amusement and she decided to join in. This is quite entertaining, she thought. It wouldn’t kill to join too, right?

“Get your toast out with a fork,
Do your own electrical work.”

Piper’s smile grew wider as she sang along the first lines to the second verse of the song with Leo. Jason started drumming his fingers on his knee, remembering that one time when he was bumming around with Leo, spending time on Youtube when they came across this song. Unfortunately, that song had been stuck in his head for two weeks after that.

“Teach yourself how to fly,
Eat a two week old unrefrigerated pie.”

Piper and Jason chanted in unison as he placed his arm around her. Everyone aww’d a little inside because the newfound Jasper created by the sing-along was adorable.

“Dumb ways to die,
So many dumb ways to die,
Dumb ways to di-i-i-ie,
So many dumb ways to die!”

Soon enough, Percy, Piper, Jason, and Leo found themselves singing the popular Internet sensation. The only ones who wouldn’t budge were Annabeth, Hazel, and Frank. Hazel and Frank were mostly confused – everything was happening too fast. Annabeth was just shaking her head in annoyance, almost like, ‘No, I cannot let the catchy rhythm of this song infect me.’

“Invite a psycho Titan inside,
Scratch an insane god’s brand new ride.”

Percy sang, nudging Annabeth with his elbow, urging her to sing along with him. She automatically kicked him, but seemed to forgot her leg was bandaged because of a harsh open wound. She cringed, muttering ‘Ouch, ouch, ouch.’ She instead sent one of her best glares at him, but over time, her death glares had developed zero effect on the seaweed brain. She was still refusing, much to Percy’s disappointment.

“Take your helmet off in a battle state,
Use the Labyrinth as a hiding place.”

The son of Poseidon tried to burst the daughter of Athena’s sprits up again, and it almost seemed to be working. At the last line, Annabeth was warming up, and the couple found themselves thinking about their adventures in the Labyrinth, and how close to insanity and death they were when they found themselves in the never-ending maze of everything mysterious.

“Dumb ways to die,
So many dumb ways to die,
Dumb ways to di-i-i-ie,
So many dumb ways to die.”

At this point, Hazel and Frank just shrugged and sang along to the song, holding hands and grinning with glee. Leo beamed with joy as he realized that everyone – well, at least, almost everyone – was singing the song at this point. He kept strumming the strings of the flower-printed ukulele as if it was an electric bass and he was a pop star rock god or something.

“Keep a hellhound as pet,
Sell both your kidneys on the Internet!”

Piper and Jason piped up with bigger grins on their faces. The thought of selling both your kidneys on the Internet made almost everyone in the room chuckle and laugh, as if to think, ‘I might as well just sell my soul on eBay.’

“Eat a tube of superglue,
‘I wonder what’s this red button do?’”

Piper sang, snapping her fingers to the beat of the song. Hazel started clapping her hands to the rhythm of the tune. After the last line, Jason and Leo made a loud explosion noise, and everyone giggled at that.

“Dumb ways to die,
So many dumb ways to die,
Dumb ways to di-i-i-ie,
So many dumb ways to die!”

At this, Annabeth just shrugged, almost like, ‘I give up. This seems way too fun and it looks like I’m missing out on the entertainment.’ And she just sang along to the chorus of the song with her boyfriend. Percy’s grin widened as soon as he heard her voice and he planted a kiss on his girlfriend’s cheek and took her hand in his.

“Dress up like a monster during hunting season,
Disturb a troop of Titans for no good reason…”

Hazel sang as everyone silently agreed to themselves, that those said ways would, in fact, be very dumb ways to die.

“Stand on the edge of a possibly active volcano,
Drive around the boom gates at a pegasi parking…”

Frank chanted in a tune that was getting quicker. From the first line, Percy recalled that one time when he attempted to kill a gang of telekhines in Mount Saint Helens and accidentally released Typhon when he used everything in his power to escape from the sea beast.

“Run across the thrones in Mount Olympus,
They may not rhyme but they’re quite possibly~”

Jason sang, running his fingers through his golden blond hair, smoothing them down nonchalantly.

“Dumbest ways to die,
Dumbest ways to die,
Dumbest ways to di-i-i-ie!
So many dumb -
So many dumb ways to die!”

The seven sang in unison – wide smiles in everyone’s faces as they seemed to forget that one of them was on crutches, one of them had an arm in a cast, three limbs were bandaged, and the rest had smiley face Band-Aids on.

“Be safe around hellhounds,” Annabeth said, looking straight at the audience with a glint in her eyes and her lips in a playful smile. “A message from the demigods.”

Everyone laughed and Leo called out, “All right, that was awesome! Take five, everybody!” At that, the demigods flooded out of the room and went to their rooms, the kitchens, and whatever as if nothing just happened.